Help, Someone I Know Is Deconstructing (Part 2)
(Continued from Part 1)
3. What Kinds of Deconstructors Will I Meet?
People like to use trendy words, and words become trendy fast. Terms can explode so quickly that they become a part of normal language even though the meaning can be vague. In these cases, when usage jumps ahead of meaning, someone you know and love may adopt a term to describe a life-changing upheaval that may be something quite different to you.
Just because someone tells you they are deconstructing, doesn’t mean you should rush to conclusions. You need to listen. Solomon says “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)
Here are four possible kinds of deconstructors:
The Untaught
A great biblical example of this is found in 2 Thessalonians 2:1-2. Here, Christians had been sold a bill of goods when they were told they missed the day of the Lord. Notice how Paul treats these people. He doesn’t accuse them of being false teachers (Paul had no patience for false teachers). They just didn’t know any better and he needs to set them straight on the second coming of Christ. In his book, Leadership and Emotional Sabotage, Joe Rigney helpfully contrasts how Paul, the prophets, and Jesus distinguished between “apostles of the world” and “refugees of the world.” It would be wise for us to develop this same kind of discernment by asking good questions. Apostles are confronted but refugees are helped.
I am afraid that one of the reasons some Christians that are raised in evangelical churches might hear a few arguments that cripple their faith is because they have never really been taught. Some might think they are walking away from Christianity, but the truth is they don’t know enough about Christianity to walk away from it. And many of these people are quite teachable, if you love them and give them some time.
What can be done to help the untaught? They need to be discipled. Of course for pastors this must be done both in and out of the pulpit. But it is just as much a calling for all Christians, as the church was given the commission to teach the baptized how to obey all Jesus commanded (Matthew 28:20).
The Doubters
These are believers who know the truth but still go through intense seasons of doubt. There is a shocking biblical example of this found in Luke 7:19-23.
Why was John the Baptist shaken in his faith about Jesus’ identity as the Messiah? Most likely John was suffering with doubt because of the same reasons Christians struggle with it today: personal tragedy, wrong expectations, and the sorrow that the combination of these things leads to are hard to face. If they were so difficult for someone as sturdy as John why would we think believers have an immunity to doubting today?
Jude would say we need to have compassion on some. And isn’t this what Jesus does? He gently points out all the ways he is fulfilling the prophecies about himself. He points John back to the rock solid promises of God.
What can be done to help the doubters? We need to patiently listen to them, and keep pointing them to Christ. We need to show them how to apply the gospel even when they are have a hard time believing it. We need to help them learn the art of questioning their questions, or, doubting their doubts, as Tim Keller used to say. This takes time. As someone who has both struggled with doubts and has helped strugglers, I can tell you that responding to doubt is less often like removing a cancerous tumor with surgery and more often like radiation therapy. Be patient, listen, point, and guide. Then do it again. And don’t forget to pray.
The Backslidden
The backslidden can be hard to distinguish from unbelievers. But with this term I am referring to those whose love for sin leads them to use apostasy as a cover for their lifestyle. It calls to mind what Paul addressed in 1 Corinthians 6:12-15. Here, bad theology accommodated sinful living. Has much changed today?
More than once I have encountered believers posturing as if they are having a crisis of faith, but it turned out they looking for a plausibility structure to excuse the sin that they loved.
I want to be clear that I am not at all suggesting there is a covered-up sin behind any claim to deconstruction. That would be overly simplistic and dangerous to assume that in our care for others. But it would be just as simplistic and quite naive to think this could never be going on in the lives of the deconstructing. The motive behind deconstructing may be the allure of the moral freedom that comes with it. None of us are immune to this, because the allure of sin can get to each of us, so there should be no room for pride when we do find this to be the root issue in others.
What can be done to help the backslidden? We need to lovingly confront them. If there is a sin that we discover is behind the deconstruction, we need to point them toward repentance. Arguing about textual criticism, archeology, and hermeneutics is not going to be of much help if sin is being cherished in the heart of the deconstructor.
The Unbelieving
John writes soberingly in his first epistle:“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” (1 John 2:19)
The hard truth is that some people you and I know and care about will talk about deconstructing their faith because they are not Christians. This is tough to face but much worse to avoid. Why is it worse to avoid this truth? Because when we keep on pretending people are Christians who clearly are not Christians we will not pray for their conversion or evangelize them. In pastoral ministry I have met several well meaning and worried people who do their best to convince themselves that a close friend or adult son or daughter is a Christian though there is absolutely no fruit to show for it. The reason that some of these people no longer identify Christ as their Lord is because Christ is not their Lord and never was. I hope you don’t assume everyone you have ever attended church with, everyone that once identified as a believer, or everyone you have seen grow up in a Christian family is converted.
How do we distinguish between unbelievers and doubters? Doubters don’t see Christ right now but they are looking for him. Unbelievers do not see Christ and are not looking for him. Doubters love the Lord, though they are confused about some things. Unbelievers simply do not love the Lord - they cannot love someone they do not know.
Conclusion: How Can We Work Against Deconstruction?
I know that the mood of the day may suggest we shouldn’t even try to work against deconstruction. People’s personal religious beliefs are just that, personal. But I hope you realize that this kind of neutrality doesn’t work if the gospel is true. If the good news of Jesus is not just a personal truth but true truth, then whether or not someone walks away from Christ is a matter of infinite importance. To be neutral toward it is to betray unbelief. We should follow Paul’s example who cared very much about the response of others to Jesus, and committed himself to battling false ideas that could undermine the claims of the gospel (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Here are some ideas to help:
Be open to questions.
This should not replace the pulpit ministry in church. Biblically speaking, Christian preaching is and always will be authoritative monologue. But you need places in your ministry to your others where you are approachable to be asked anything. Are the people you are discipling comfortable asking you anything? If you have people in your home (and I encourage you to do so) can those struggling with sin and doubts about the faith feel welcome to open up about those things?
Lead a culture of reading in your sphere of influence.
How can one do that? It’s simple. Read good books and encourage others to read them with you. I am especially worried for our young people that don’t read books. They will be unprepared for the world of ideas. Reading not only helps you create arguments, it helps you analyze arguments and see how they work. Fears surrounding AI dependance should not only be in response to the dishonesty issue or quality (have you seen the generic slop filling your feeds?) but because of how it short-circuits thinking through ideas. I know that some may assume that reading is the gateway to deconstruction. Of course, there are plenty of people who are well read who are not followers of Jesus. However in my experience those that end up walking away from the faith did not typically start with deep dives into lengthy articles from journals of philosophy. The people I know heard or watched something that they could not understand how to counter. Some (not all, but some) of the content pushing the deconstruction movement is poorly reasoned but well produced propaganda, and propoganda resonates with people who have had precious little reflection of their worldview, if they have reflected on it at all. It is difficult to overstate how vulnerable these kinds of people are to a media-saturated environment. The literary strugglers are easy prey, and will have a hard time surviving with their faith intact. It is no secret that where Christian mission movements have spread reading came along as part of the package. After all, we are people who believe that God wrote a book. So read and disciple others by encouraging them to read.
Give your life to selfless ministry so when the light shines through, the deconstructing see Jesus.
Take a break from this article and take a moment to carefully read 2 Corinthians 4:1-12. If you have someone in your life who is deconstructing, don’t stop pointing them to Jesus. But don’t stop selflessly serving them and loving them. And if in God’s sovereign grace their eyes are eventually opened they won’t see you, they will see him. Paul argues that God designs the vessels carrying his gospel (that’s us) to be weak so that the beauty we are carrying shines all the brighter. This is what motivated Paul to serve like he did, and the same reality should motivate each of us. Love people. Open your home. Use your time. Be willing to be taken advantage of for the gospel. Do things for people who cannot pay you back. Serve others, and let Christ be seen, even by those who are wondering if he is worth giving their life to, because you know that he is.
3. What Kinds of Deconstructors Will I Meet?
People like to use trendy words, and words become trendy fast. Terms can explode so quickly that they become a part of normal language even though the meaning can be vague. In these cases, when usage jumps ahead of meaning, someone you know and love may adopt a term to describe a life-changing upheaval that may be something quite different to you.
Just because someone tells you they are deconstructing, doesn’t mean you should rush to conclusions. You need to listen. Solomon says “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)
Here are four possible kinds of deconstructors:
The Untaught
A great biblical example of this is found in 2 Thessalonians 2:1-2. Here, Christians had been sold a bill of goods when they were told they missed the day of the Lord. Notice how Paul treats these people. He doesn’t accuse them of being false teachers (Paul had no patience for false teachers). They just didn’t know any better and he needs to set them straight on the second coming of Christ. In his book, Leadership and Emotional Sabotage, Joe Rigney helpfully contrasts how Paul, the prophets, and Jesus distinguished between “apostles of the world” and “refugees of the world.” It would be wise for us to develop this same kind of discernment by asking good questions. Apostles are confronted but refugees are helped.
I am afraid that one of the reasons some Christians that are raised in evangelical churches might hear a few arguments that cripple their faith is because they have never really been taught. Some might think they are walking away from Christianity, but the truth is they don’t know enough about Christianity to walk away from it. And many of these people are quite teachable, if you love them and give them some time.
What can be done to help the untaught? They need to be discipled. Of course for pastors this must be done both in and out of the pulpit. But it is just as much a calling for all Christians, as the church was given the commission to teach the baptized how to obey all Jesus commanded (Matthew 28:20).
The Doubters
These are believers who know the truth but still go through intense seasons of doubt. There is a shocking biblical example of this found in Luke 7:19-23.
Why was John the Baptist shaken in his faith about Jesus’ identity as the Messiah? Most likely John was suffering with doubt because of the same reasons Christians struggle with it today: personal tragedy, wrong expectations, and the sorrow that the combination of these things leads to are hard to face. If they were so difficult for someone as sturdy as John why would we think believers have an immunity to doubting today?
Jude would say we need to have compassion on some. And isn’t this what Jesus does? He gently points out all the ways he is fulfilling the prophecies about himself. He points John back to the rock solid promises of God.
What can be done to help the doubters? We need to patiently listen to them, and keep pointing them to Christ. We need to show them how to apply the gospel even when they are have a hard time believing it. We need to help them learn the art of questioning their questions, or, doubting their doubts, as Tim Keller used to say. This takes time. As someone who has both struggled with doubts and has helped strugglers, I can tell you that responding to doubt is less often like removing a cancerous tumor with surgery and more often like radiation therapy. Be patient, listen, point, and guide. Then do it again. And don’t forget to pray.
The Backslidden
The backslidden can be hard to distinguish from unbelievers. But with this term I am referring to those whose love for sin leads them to use apostasy as a cover for their lifestyle. It calls to mind what Paul addressed in 1 Corinthians 6:12-15. Here, bad theology accommodated sinful living. Has much changed today?
More than once I have encountered believers posturing as if they are having a crisis of faith, but it turned out they looking for a plausibility structure to excuse the sin that they loved.
I want to be clear that I am not at all suggesting there is a covered-up sin behind any claim to deconstruction. That would be overly simplistic and dangerous to assume that in our care for others. But it would be just as simplistic and quite naive to think this could never be going on in the lives of the deconstructing. The motive behind deconstructing may be the allure of the moral freedom that comes with it. None of us are immune to this, because the allure of sin can get to each of us, so there should be no room for pride when we do find this to be the root issue in others.
What can be done to help the backslidden? We need to lovingly confront them. If there is a sin that we discover is behind the deconstruction, we need to point them toward repentance. Arguing about textual criticism, archeology, and hermeneutics is not going to be of much help if sin is being cherished in the heart of the deconstructor.
The Unbelieving
John writes soberingly in his first epistle:“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” (1 John 2:19)
The hard truth is that some people you and I know and care about will talk about deconstructing their faith because they are not Christians. This is tough to face but much worse to avoid. Why is it worse to avoid this truth? Because when we keep on pretending people are Christians who clearly are not Christians we will not pray for their conversion or evangelize them. In pastoral ministry I have met several well meaning and worried people who do their best to convince themselves that a close friend or adult son or daughter is a Christian though there is absolutely no fruit to show for it. The reason that some of these people no longer identify Christ as their Lord is because Christ is not their Lord and never was. I hope you don’t assume everyone you have ever attended church with, everyone that once identified as a believer, or everyone you have seen grow up in a Christian family is converted.
How do we distinguish between unbelievers and doubters? Doubters don’t see Christ right now but they are looking for him. Unbelievers do not see Christ and are not looking for him. Doubters love the Lord, though they are confused about some things. Unbelievers simply do not love the Lord - they cannot love someone they do not know.
Conclusion: How Can We Work Against Deconstruction?
I know that the mood of the day may suggest we shouldn’t even try to work against deconstruction. People’s personal religious beliefs are just that, personal. But I hope you realize that this kind of neutrality doesn’t work if the gospel is true. If the good news of Jesus is not just a personal truth but true truth, then whether or not someone walks away from Christ is a matter of infinite importance. To be neutral toward it is to betray unbelief. We should follow Paul’s example who cared very much about the response of others to Jesus, and committed himself to battling false ideas that could undermine the claims of the gospel (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Here are some ideas to help:
Be open to questions.
This should not replace the pulpit ministry in church. Biblically speaking, Christian preaching is and always will be authoritative monologue. But you need places in your ministry to your others where you are approachable to be asked anything. Are the people you are discipling comfortable asking you anything? If you have people in your home (and I encourage you to do so) can those struggling with sin and doubts about the faith feel welcome to open up about those things?
Lead a culture of reading in your sphere of influence.
How can one do that? It’s simple. Read good books and encourage others to read them with you. I am especially worried for our young people that don’t read books. They will be unprepared for the world of ideas. Reading not only helps you create arguments, it helps you analyze arguments and see how they work. Fears surrounding AI dependance should not only be in response to the dishonesty issue or quality (have you seen the generic slop filling your feeds?) but because of how it short-circuits thinking through ideas. I know that some may assume that reading is the gateway to deconstruction. Of course, there are plenty of people who are well read who are not followers of Jesus. However in my experience those that end up walking away from the faith did not typically start with deep dives into lengthy articles from journals of philosophy. The people I know heard or watched something that they could not understand how to counter. Some (not all, but some) of the content pushing the deconstruction movement is poorly reasoned but well produced propaganda, and propoganda resonates with people who have had precious little reflection of their worldview, if they have reflected on it at all. It is difficult to overstate how vulnerable these kinds of people are to a media-saturated environment. The literary strugglers are easy prey, and will have a hard time surviving with their faith intact. It is no secret that where Christian mission movements have spread reading came along as part of the package. After all, we are people who believe that God wrote a book. So read and disciple others by encouraging them to read.
Give your life to selfless ministry so when the light shines through, the deconstructing see Jesus.
Take a break from this article and take a moment to carefully read 2 Corinthians 4:1-12. If you have someone in your life who is deconstructing, don’t stop pointing them to Jesus. But don’t stop selflessly serving them and loving them. And if in God’s sovereign grace their eyes are eventually opened they won’t see you, they will see him. Paul argues that God designs the vessels carrying his gospel (that’s us) to be weak so that the beauty we are carrying shines all the brighter. This is what motivated Paul to serve like he did, and the same reality should motivate each of us. Love people. Open your home. Use your time. Be willing to be taken advantage of for the gospel. Do things for people who cannot pay you back. Serve others, and let Christ be seen, even by those who are wondering if he is worth giving their life to, because you know that he is.
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